More learnings and personal realizations:

1) Comedy is hard and (I already know this but I am reminded again) it is not my forte. I was a witch in our basic acting play. It was hard to act crazy and bubbling with energy because I am the complete opposite.

2) Part of adulthood is accepting that you can’t stay friends with a lot of people . Most adult relationships are fleeting. Even if someone is so inspiring you want them to be part of your life forever, majority of the time it just cannot be.

3) I love theater. I love acting. I love it so much it hurts my heart because I can’t do it often. It hurts when I’m part of something because it’s over soon. It hurts because I am limited. Too limited. I know I have potential but I’m scared that potential might not be fully realized. It’s heartbreaking but I need to accept it. But I still love it and I will embrace it and I will try and try and try.

4) It’s one of the few things I don’t mind losing sleep for. I can’t emphasize enough how sleep-dependent I am. How sleep is my only escape and how it’s the only time I’m not overthinking and feeling anything. Being an introvert and depressed, everything is much more exhausting. Going out, meeting people, doing things. But these last two months, I did those! I gave up my weekends, slept a little, I went out of the house, did things, took public transport to unfamiliar places, rode the MRT at rush hour, and made new acquaintances (people I liked and probably never going to meet again. See #2).

5) There’s something about staying backstage while the play is ongoing, which is almost as magical, probably more intimate (?) than what happens on the actual stage. I can’t explain it but it gives me feels.

6) I can go on and on about everything I love about being part of a production and how happy and heartbroken it makes me feel but… I gotta go back to work. Life goes on. Galaw galaw din. Yan tayo eh.

Post-Prod Feelingsss

Acting/Theater is one of my favorite things. Sadly, I can’t and don’t do it often. But recently, the past two months to be specific, I enrolled in a basic acting workshop. Part of me wanted to regret joining ONLY because it robs me of sleep. Being an easily tired person, it was difficult. I barely get enough sleep on weekdays because of work and I had to wake up early on Saturdays for the workshop. And oh the commute! Why do I have to live so far away?

But I enjoyed the sessions a lot. Even if we had to go through a challenging warm-up before each session, even if most of the acting exercises required physical and emotional cooperation, I didn’t feel tired inside the studio. Even the weekday practices in preparation for the showcase… I showed up! I went a bit reluctantly to be honest but I still went and that’s really saying something because after work I’d rather go home than anything else.

The whole experience was full of learning and unlearning. Some of my takeaways are: Acting is not analyzing/thinking too much. Acting is about choices. It’s about connection, reaction and being in the moment and trusting your instincts. Taking the plunge. Not being selfish. And teamwork of course! I am thankful to and for the people I met: interesting, inspiring, fun budding actors and patient, hardworking, passionate mentors. You know that part before a show when the cast and crew hold hands in a circle to pray, give words of encouragement and pass energy to one another (we call it “bilog” in Enta)? I love it! You can tell everyone is nervous yet excited. I love the feeling of belonging, community and sharing one ultimate goal: to have a good show.

I’m glad I took the plunge, so glad that I cried on my way to the office this morning because it’s over. I will miss everything about it (except the hassle of commuting and lack of sleep hehe).