Not that I have a chronic illness that I know of but this is still pretty spot-on, especially on days when I have no commitments. When I tell people I am in bed 12hours a day, it’s not 12hours of quality, restful sleep (kung pwede nga lang). What really happens is 2hrs of pre-sleep rumination, tossing and turning (doesn’t make a difference if I’m exhausted, which is everyday kahit wala ko masyado ginagawa; my mind still goes on overdrive once I lie down in bed); followed by at least 8hrs of sleep if I’m lucky.

When I finally wake up, I spend another 1-2hrs of feeling useless (right after the painful realization that I’m awake and have to face the world again). It’s another cycle of worrying, overthinking, overfeeling and hating myself. Miraculously, I am able to gather some energy(?)/motivation(?)/reasons to get up. Some days/nights are better than others. Hirap mga besh, pero kaya naman because life is still beautiful and worth living lol

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